The Predicament Over Permissions

As I have been expanding, revising and polishing Chrysalis: Colors of the Rainbow for publication this spring, I have also been sending draft copies out to readers and those who are mentioned in the memoir. For me, it has been important, personally and professionally, to respect those who are in my memoir by letting them know it is coming out for publication, and give the opportunity for a response.

Creative journaling provides a safe buffer, a form of self-expression that may or may not be shared with anyone, ever. Preparing a memoir for publication brings up many questions about permissions, especially if people in the memoir are still living. I was careful to delete specific names, or use generalities for those who are still living that are mentioned in my memoir. I left portions out and deleted places where I began venting, especially in earlier drafts where writing was such an integral part of processing grief.

I admit, it was strange and awkward to put the manuscript, in its entirety, in the mail to family members. For someone else, it had been almost ten years since I had had any communication with the family, at all. While I await their responses, I re-read portions and ask myself, was this too much, too direct, too emotional.

I wonder what it might be like for them to read portions of my grief journey that I had never told to anyone before. What emotions would it stir up within them?

While James Frey did great damage to the credibility of memoir, there is something to be said for difference of perspective. We will always view experiences and events in our lives according to our own history, background, and assumptions. Memoir is one slice, one perspective, and respecting others in their own view and perspective while staying true to my own perspective has been tricky.

As I work through the process, I remind myself to be open to changes, and to understand different perspectives, integrating them into my work to value, both my experience and the people that are weaved throughout.